What if Warrior

Last month I officially launched Fighting Spirit. It’s been a bit of a blur since then, which is why I’m only getting to writing about it now. Not long after the launch, we had our first proper family holiday in Sydney and Melbourne, and then I was preparing my baby to go to Kindy.

Grief is like the ocean; the end is out of sight. It’s riding the waves, over and over and over again. Sometimes you are prepared for them, but sometimes you don’t know they’re coming until they are breaking over your head.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. In my mind I summon an image of myself as a child. My muscles relax. I open my eyes and see her sitting on the chair across from me. I smile and she flashes a toothy smile back at me.

A frustrating side effect of low self-esteem is the constant second-guessing. When you lack self-confidence, you spend a lot of time second-guessing everything.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, why is it that I feel so small? I was a teenager when I used this well-known mantra to write my own version. Feeling comfortable in my own skin was a foreign concept to me. If only I had the ability to slither out of my too-tight skin and re-create myself into a better version.

No, I’m not talking about sniffing people’s butts, or eating poo. I don’t mean I’d like to abandon my personal hygiene and eat kibbles every night for dinner. What I mean is, I don’t want to be a dog, but live like a dog. As well as brightening up our lives, they also provide many valuable lessons on how to live and love.

Sometimes the voice in your heart and mind don’t always work in harmony. Your heart wants one thing but the voice in your mind fights against it.

The weather is quite an appropriate metaphor for life. Sometimes life is like sunshine - it warms your soul, happiness radiates from you and your smile is bright. You feel like you could conquer the world. All is as it should be. The sky is clear and so is your mind.

This is an experience that everyone needs to have. I went for my first float after receiving a gift voucher. I am so thankful that I heard about this place through word of mouth and had the opportunity to try it. At first I was a little apprehensive about feeling claustrophobic, and I certainly wasn’t expecting it to be as enjoyable as it was.

Sometimes the path we travel is not necessarily the path we want to go down. Maybe we started down our own track, but then lost sight of where we were going. Our doubts trip us up; we stumble on other people’s expectations.